Stealing Kids and Maiming Chicken

Random conversation between J and myself while riding around in the car:

Me: (browsing Pinterest and finding this:

OMG!  We need a boy so I can dress him up like David Bowie!

J: That is pretty cool. Let's have a boy.

Me:  I don't really want another baby right now; I'll just steal one for Halloween

J: Wait, what?

Me: Yeah, I'll steal one and dress him up like David Bowie.  It's perfect.

J:  Do you realize how crazy you sound right now?

Me: Okay, maybe "steal" was too strong a word. I'll borrow one for Halloween and dress him up as David Bowie. Then I'll give him back with candy.

J: You're crazy.

Me:  No: I'm smart.

J: What if someone "borrowed" Monkey?

Me: That's different. I know I'm not crazy.

J: But you are.

Me: Okay, fine we'll have our own boy.

J: Thank you.

Me: It just seems like a lot of work for one Halloween costume. Borrowing a kid would be so much easier.

We lapsed into comfortable silence for a while before it dawned on me...

Me: Orphans!!!  I totally forgot about orphans!  We could adopt a boy and dress him up like David Bowie

J: Yeah, then we can bring him back and be all 'He looks like David Bowie, and it's kinda freaking us out...a lot!'

Me: Brilliant!  This is why I married you.


   Later I realized that I could simply dress Monkey up as David Bowie for Halloween, but I already have matching Hollie Golightly costumes planned for us.  But!  I do have a little brother I could kidnap for Halloween.  Then I get my kidnapping thing out, and I get a cute family photo.  Except for the fact that my "little" brother is fifteen, and that would probably come across as more creepy than cute.  Ugh!  I give up.  

   I guess while I'm freaking y'all out, I can go ahead and share my step-by-step instructions of how to maim your own dead chicken.  It was for a good cause, though.  It made a scrumptious meal :-)

I found a recipe on Foodgawker a while back for Grilled Lemon and Yogurt Chicken.  It was one of the first recipes I "pinned", but I hadn't tried it until Monday.  I guess the idea of spatchcocking a chicken was a bit much.  Or, at least, it would have been if I had read far enough into the recipe to know that I had to do that.  And then I had to google what "spatchcocking" even meant to discover that I'd have to remove the back bone of a chicken.  Feeling a bit brave after watching Amy Adams de-bone a duck on Julie and Julia, I thought this would be a cinch.  And it was (which was the scariest part).  You just have to avoid thinking about the fact that you're defiling a poor dead bird.  But, then again, it's no worse that what my step-daddy does with a chicken and a beer can.  

O.o

Well, anyway on to the recipe!

You'll need:

1 whole medium chicken
1/2 cup plain yogurt
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tsp. mixed herbs (I used Italian seasoning)
1 TBS paprika 
1 TBS ground coriander seeds
grated rind and juice of one lemon
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp pepper

First, spatchcock your chicken.  To do this, take the gizzards and such out of the chest cavity, set aside or discard (I usually cook those extra pieces for the dogs).  Rinse your chicken, then pat dry with a paper towel.  Set your chicken on a cutting board with the neck and wings facing you, like so:

Begin cutting just to the right of the neck making sure to cut through the bone, not just the skin and meat.  Cut from the neck all the way to the tail, following along on side of the back bone.

Then make the same cut on the left side of the back bone.

Once the back bone has been removed, flip the bird over to be sure that it lies flat.

Next, set your maimed spatchcocked chicken in a roasting pan, breast side up.  In a small bowl mix all the remaining ingredients, and rub all over you chicken.  

Cover the roasting pan with aluminum foil, and bake on 350 for 40 minutes.  Meanwhile light your bar-b-que pit, once the chicken has baked, transfer it to the bar-b-que pit for 30 minutes or until done.  

Voila!

I served mine with garlic bread, a side salad, and my step-daddy's grilled asparagus. Take a bunch of asparagus, roll them in about a TBS of olive oil and your favorite seasoning (I use Tony's, garlic powder, and onion powder), and then grill for about 15 minutes or until tender.  It was very good meal, and the extra chicken was used for chicken salad, which is a recipe I'll share later, but right now I need to go feed my little slugger before her first t-ball game.  :-)

Birthday Bash!

   This year to celebrate our little Monkey turning 3, we decided to have a family party at our home.  When I asked what type of party she wanted, Monkey kept insisting on a Toy Story theme, so that's what we went with.  From the cake to the decor, it was Toy Story all the way, and I want to share all the fun ins and outs with you.

Let's start with the games, shall we?

First we had a Make-Your-Own Potato Head station.  I used adhesive craft foam (found at Michael's) to cut out various bodies, eyes, mouths, noses, ears and hats.  The kids seemed to enjoy this station the best.

Next up was a Paint-Your-Own Snake-in-the-Boot station.  The idea was to decorate these before using them in a Snake-in-my-Boot Toss, but we never got around to that part of it.  But, I only paid a dollar for these snake at the Dollar Tree, so it's all good.

I think my brother-in-law enjoyed this next game the most.  Each kid was given their own Mini-Marshmellow Blaster (found in the dollar section of Michael's), and was instructed to shoot the various villains from the three films.  Monkey ended up going on a rogue shooting spree after she had enough practice on her targets.

"Say hello to my little friend."

Last, but not least, here's an oldie, but a goodie.  Pin the tail on the donkey, but instead of some nameless donkey, it's that lovable horse, Bullseye.  I found the template and instructions for this game here.

 I knew there would only be four kids at the party, which meant I could squeeze more games in.  These were really good for keeping them all entertained, for the most part.  Plus they were fun for me to put together.

Next up: the food!

In addition to the normal spread of fruit & veggie trays, chips and dip, and hot dogs, I found these online and loved them!  They're supposed to look like Jesse's cowgirl hat, although I've been told that they look more like sombreros (Thanks, J!).

And of course, I had to try my hand at cake-decorating.  This was supposed to look like the bed in Andy's room, and considering that I threw it all together the morning of the party, I think it came pretty close to the mark

...unless you compare it with the elaborate sketch I had made before hand.

  To be fair, if I had used fondant it would have looked more like the sketch, but I don't like the taste of fondant so I try to steer clear of it.   Instead, I used a Buttercream icing with a Nutella Buttercream Filling.  Here is the recipe for the filling, or for the icing just omit the Nutella:

1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup solid shortening
1 tsp vanilla
4 cups sifted powdered sugar
2 TBS milk
3/4 cup- 1 1/4 cup Nutella (It varies based on how chocolate-y you want it.)

In large bowl mix butter and shortening.  Add vanilla, combine.  Add sugar, one cup at a time.  Add milk, beat until combined.  Add Nutella.

 Now, on to the decorations!  J and I had fun staying up until midnight the night before putting all this up. (So if it's crooked, blame it on lack of sleep.)

We found the banner and streamers at Part City, but almost everything else came from Wal-Mart.  We even got one of those helium tanks to blow up our own balloons.  Oh, and those stickers of Woody and Buzz are re-stickable (is that a word?), so we just removed them and put them up in Monkey's room after the party.

I also made a Buzz Lightyear box and Etch-a-Sketch out of cardboard for the kids to take pictures in.

To infinity, and beyond!

Monkey was hiding.

My lovely little sister modeling the Etch-a-Sketch for me.

My favorite part of the decorations was actually this small detail in the "Happy Birthday" banner:

Doesn't it look like Rex is threatening you with a knife?  "Give me my presents, and nobody get hurt!" Or maybe it was just my midnight brain playing tricks on me.

Anyway, last but not least I wanted to share Monkey's outfit.  I found it on Etsy, at this cute little shop.  The boots, I found at the Disney outlet store.

Opening her Mrs. Potato Head from my dear friend, Tessua :-)

My pretty little cowgirl.

All-in-all it was a great day.  Monkey racked up on presents, so much so that her daddy and I are contemplating turning our guest room into a second bedroom just for her toys, but that feels a little too Dursley-esque.  I think a good time was had for all, and now I just have to come to terms with the fact that my little Monkey is three!!!

Shrimp Etouffee and French Bread

   I know that it may seem that I use this blog to vent about my husband more often that I should, and you know, that's not completely untrue, but I just want everyone to understand that my venting about him comes from a place of love.  That being said, I almost beat him yesterday!

   In the morning, we have a little routine.  He wakes up and leaves for PT while I'm still sleeping.  His goodbye kiss is my alarm clock.  I toss and turn for about thirty minutes more; then I get up and start getting ready for work.  Meanwhile Monkey begins to stir, and right about then J returns from PT to shower and change into his uniform before heading out again.  I like it, because we still get to have breakfast together without me having to wake up at an ungodly hour to fix it.  Well yesterday, I was in the middle of getting dressed when Monkey strolled into my room, bright-eyed and bushy tailed.  She hugged me good morning, and then went off to potty and get dressed.  It dawned on me then that I had just washed my work clothes the night before, so the shirt I wanted, well, all of my shirts were downstairs hanging up in the laundry room.  I headed down, shirtless, in time to hear the door unlocking.  I quickened my pace so I could greet J at the door with a hug.  Thankfully, he was quicker because as I was midway to the bottom I hear, "Hey baby, we've got company!"  I high-tailed it back upstairs, tripping over a half-naked Monkey on my way.  I scooped her up and we both got dressed before heading back down to meet what I assumed would be one of J's coworkers.  Now, J has pulled this on me once before, so I figured that the person I would be meeting was just some other guy from J's battalion.  I was only partially correct.  The person I found was J's Chief!  I instantly regretted throwing on my old, tatty night shirt, and ran to the laundry room to change into my work shirt.  Not that it mattered, the guy came to work on J's computer, and didn't even deign to look up when I squeaked out an all-too peppy "Good morning!"  I stood around for about five minutes, awkwardly waiting for J's introduction that never came before finally busying myself with Monkey's breakfast.  That was a bad idea, though, because I then brought attention to the mountain of dishes I had been boycotting (Yeah, Mr. Chief looked up to see that!).  Finally giving in, I politely asked J to get Monkey a Pop-tart while I barricaded myself in the bathroom until the Chief left.  (Still without introduction, or so much as a "kiss my foot").

   Needless to say, tonight I went to town scrubbing, vacuuming, and washing those dishes that I had so vehemently boycotted.  Oh well, you win some; you lose some.  I think I'll be counting this one as a loss.  The recipe I'm about to share, however is definitely a win!  I was feelin' some down-home cookin', so I made Shrimp Etouffee and homemade French Bread.

The Shrimp Etouffe recipe was a jumble of Emeril's Crawfish Etouffee with a bit of my own spices thrown in, and then of course, my step-daddy's advice :-)  Here it is:

1 stick butter
2 cups chopped onion
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 lb peeled, deveined shrimp (next time I'll use more, so about 1 1/2 lbs)
2 TBS garlic
2 bay leaves
1 cup water
1 TBS flour
Tony's to taste
1 small can tomato paste
1 can stewed tomatoes drained, and pureed
2 TBS finely chopped parsley
3 TBS chopped green onions

In a large pan, melt butter.  Add onion, celery, and bell pepper and saute 10-15 minutes, or until all the vegetables are tender, and onions are translucent.  Add the shrimp, garlic, and bay leaves, and cook 12 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Dissolve the flour fully in the water, and add to the shrimp mixture.  Stir until thickened, about 5 minutes.  Season with Tony's.  Stir in the tomato paste and stewed tomatoes.  Add the parsley and green onions.  Cook 2-5 minutes more.  Serve over cooked rice.

Close up

The French Bread recipe was found on a fellow blogger's page via Pinterest.  The bread was perfect.  It made a bunch though, so I brought one of the loaves to a friend.  Here's what they looked like:

They were really good.  I impressed J, which I'm finding out isn't really hard to do.  Oh well. Here's the recipe:

2 1/2 cups warm water
2 TBS yeast
3 TBS sugar
2 TBS white vinegar
Add the above ingredients together and let sit about 5 minutes, or until bubbly.  (It's really cool to watch when it starts bubbling.)
Next, add:
1 TBS salt
1/3 cup oil (I used Canola)
5 1/2-6 cups flour, one cup at a time

Knead for 2-5 minutes and then put in the oven with a small pot of boiling water underneath it. The water will keep the dough moist. Watch the dough and punch it down when it gets to the top of the mixing bowl. Do this every time it gets to the top of the bowl, preferably 2-5 times.  Spray a cookie sheet with cooking spray and sprinkle a thin layer of cornmeal on the bottom of the sheet.  Divide the dough into 3 sections.  Roll the dough balls into long French bread shapes. Slash tops of bread diagonally 3-5 times and cover with a beaten egg. Let rise 30 minutes (or until doubled) on the cookie sheet.  Meanwhile, preheat your stove to 375 and bake for 30 minutes.  

  I think next time, I'll try adding some garlic and other seasonings to the top of my loaf.  The leftover bread is good for French Toast too :-)

  Well, it's 11:00 pm, and I still have to pack for our weekend back home.  We're taking both dogs, so this should be interesting.  Goodnight all!

If I Won the Lottery....

   A recent conversation with a coworker got me thinking.  I don't watch the news, and my coworker seems to think that it's his duty to inform me of all the horrible things that go on in our world (which is why I don't watch the news in the first place).  But to break up his usual routine of informing me about the crazy bombers, suicidal mothers, and bank robbers, Thursday morning he came up with a new topic of conversation: the lottery.  He was telling me how the lottery was up to the highest it has ever been, and that led us to talking about the "what if" that always accompanies the lottery, and I've been contemplating that ever since.  Even after someone won that huge pile of money, I'm still thinking about it.

   So here's what I'd do:  I'd split it in half, and give half to J.   Then I'd take 10% of it and donate it to some good cause, like St. Jude or the Red Cross or something.  Then I'd buy three homes: one for Moma Deana, one for my sister and her family, and one for my mom and step-daddy.  Next, I'd set up a trust fund for my little siblings, as well as my godson and daughter, so that they could go to whatever college they wanted.  Then I'd pay to go back to school, and get my degree in something fun, like history.  Then I'd get another degree in something practical, like nursing.  If you have a lot of money, you don't have to choose, right?  But first, I'd take Monkey on a Disney cruise.  Then we'd have a family vacation in Italy, followed by a romantic get-away to Ireland for just J and I.  I would get a  new wedding ring, one that wouldn't make my finger break out in a rash (J would pay for that of course), and we'd probably have another child.  Oh, and last but not least, I'd build a house.  Nothing too big or fancy, but it would have a giant, gourmet kitchen that would make Paula Deen green with envy  along with a wrap-around porch, and those big, white, Southern-style columns.  I'd probably also go to culinary school, after I write my first book.

    The more I think about it, though, the more I realized that I wouldn't really like being that rich.  When you're that rich, what do you have to work for?  My favorite part of the whole circle of life is the part where you set a goal, you work hard to reach it, you're satisfied for a bit, and then you set a new goal.  There's a sense of pride and accomplishment that goes along with having to work for what you want and need.  That's something that no amount of money could buy.  I think it would be fun at first, but then I'd have to work or volunteer or something so that I wouldn't feel pointless or meaningless.

    I think I'd be better off winning just enough to have fun for a couple of years, and then have it run out so that I could return to the "real" world.  The only thing that wouldn't change would be my cooking.  Granted, I'd probably be stuffing steak or Quail, instead of these Chicken Breasts, but no matter how rich I get, these will still be on the menu:

Feta-Stuffed Chicken Breasts

 (How was that for a segue?)


  Well, since that maid of mine is still just a dream, I guess I should get to cleaning those dishes.  But, I'm curious, what would you do if you won the lottery?  Leave me a comment, and let me know.



P.S.---Monkey would get a pony, and I would have a Camarillo again.  J would have to buy his own horse. Oh, and all of my friends who are military wives would get free spa days :-)

Stuffed Bell Peppers

   I know what you're thinking, What is she doing typing up a blog on a beautiful day like this? Well my answer to that is, I don't know!  It's a beautiful day, but I have no where to go and nothing to do, and it's all J's fault!  He called me this morning to say that he'd be headed home sometime today and that he'd call me back at noon to tell me when.  I haven't heard from him since. :-/  So, being the good wife that I am, I'm sitting around here, waiting, in case he calls to say he needs me to come get him.  That and I spent all morning baking; so now I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything.  So I'll hop on here and ramble a bit.

   Today I'm going to share one of my step-daddy's recipes: Stuffed Bell Peppers.  As I'm typing, I'm finding it a bit odd that this is the first recipe of his I've shared, especially considering that most of my love of cooking comes from years of helping him chop onions, garlic and bell pepper in the kitchen.  I guess the reason is that he's not really one to write down recipes.  He usually just throws a whole bunch of stuff into a pot and it comes out gold.  Anyone who has known me for more than a day has heard me talk about his cooking.  When asked if I like catfish, my response is always, "No; only my step-daddy's."  If I'm out enjoying a steak at a restaurant I may comment that "My step-daddy makes an awesome shrimp topping for his steaks."  And if asked about bar-b-que, the answer has never been anything short of, "Nobody does it like my step-daddy."

    What can I say?  Growing up when it came to food, we were spoiled rotten.  Jude (my step-daddy) never bought groceries in advance, he'd just grab whatever he was in the mood for from the local store and come home and invent something wonderful.  The only problem with this method is that I can't recreate any of his concoctions.  There's no method to his madness that I can see; so I'll just delight myself in these yummy bell peppers and leave it at that.

Here's what you'll need:

6-8 medium bell peppers
1 lb ground beef
1 large onion
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 box Stove Top Cornbread Dressing
1 cup cooked rice
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Clean peppers and place them in a large pot filled with about 1-2 inches of water.  (The water should come about halfway up the sides of the peppers.) Bring the water to a boil, and cover with a lid.  Allow to steam until the peppers are tender.  Set in a 9x13" casserole dish.  Prepare the dressing according to directions on package; set aside.  Brown meat and onions, season to taste (I use Tony's).  Drain off excess fat.  Add soup, dressing and rice.  Mix well on low heat.  Stuff peppers with mixture and top with grated cheese. (I usually add a squirt of Ketchup on top, but that's optional.)  Bake at 325 for 15 minutes.  Enjoy!

Stuffed Bell Pepper sans ketchup.

   Well my baby girl is tired of entertaining herself inside and wants to go swing, so I'm going to oblige her.  Y'all enjoy your Saturday!

The Big Bang (and Cabbage Rolls)

    Here lately I haven't had much sleep.  J being gone has turned me into an insomniac, and that should mean that my house is immaculate, and all of my projects have been completed, right?  Wrong!  Instead of being productive, I've been watching re-runs of "The Big Bang Theory" every night from the time Monkey goes to bed until about midnight or later.  The result is that I currently have "Soft Kitty" stuck in my head and I've invented a new game.  It's like those drinking games you see all over Pinterest mixed with the Harry Potter Workout Game.  The result is this:

  I'm actually not doing this to get into shape.  I'm trying to wear myself out in order to attempt sleep before a new day dawns.  Aka, my husband needs to come home....so he can play my new game with me :-)

   At any rate, I'm still cooking, and I'd like to share something new.  The other night I made Stuffed Cabbage from Paula Deen's "Southern Cooking Bible".  I've never had stuffed cabbage before, and I admit I was a little unsure, but I think the end result was rather yum.

    Before I get into the recipe, though, I must admit something.  I was extremely distracted while making this (probably because I was watching the bloopers from The Big Bang Theory season 4) and I didn't really follow Paula's instructions.  So for the sake of accuracy, I'll give you her recipe, and then I'll let you in on how I botched it.

Here's what you'll need:

2 TBS vegetable oil
1 cup chopped yellow onion
1 medium head green cabbage (about 2 lbs)
1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup cooked rice
3/4 cup raisins
3/4 tsp salt
1 can (16 oz) tomato sauce
1/2 cup beef broth
1/2 tsp paprika

Here's what Paula says to do:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Grease a 13x9" baking dish.  In a medium skillet, heat the oil over med-high heat.  Add the onion, and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.  Set aside to cool.  Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to boil.  Using a small, sharp knife, cut in a circle all around the stem of the cabbage and remove the core.  Place the cabbage in the boiling water.  After about 2 minutes an outside leaf will come loose.  Pull it off and our of the water using tongs.  After another minute or so another leaf will come loose.  Remove and repeat until you have 8-10 nice leaves. Pat the leaves dry with paper towels.  Cut out the thick part of the rib from the bottom of each leaf, but don't cut more than a third of the way into the leaf.  In a bowl, mix together the beef, cooled onion, rice, raisins, and salt.  With the stem side of the cabbage leaf facing you, place a scant 1/3 cup of the beef mixture in the center of each cabbage leaf.  Fold the bottom edge over the mixture and them fold the sides over and roll into a tidy packet.  Place the cabbage rolls seam-side down in the prepared baking dish.  In a bowl, mix together the tomato sauce, broth and paprika and pour over the cabbage.  Cover the baking dish with foil and bake for 1 hour.  Serve the cabbage rolls with a big dollop of sour cream.

 Okay, so here's what I did differently.  First off, I wasn't reading through so I added the meat to the skillet with the onion.  Then I mixed the tomato sauce in with the beef, onion, rice, raisins, and salt.  That meant that I had no sauce to cover the cabbage with, so I improvised by mixing the beef broth and paprika with a jar of spaghetti sauce I had on hand.  The meal still managed to turn out rather well, and I had already cooked the meat which meant my cabbage only stayed in the oven for about 25 minutes instead of the full hour.  On another note, next time I will probably rule out the raisins.  They didn't taste bad, but texture kept throwing me off.  Plus mentally I kept thinking "Why am I eating raisins, mixed with meat, mixed with cabbage?"  Monkey enjoyed it, though.  She even asked for seconds, that is, once I removed the cabbage from her plate.  For a kid who likes coleslaw, she was not having that cabbage.

   Well, enough anecdotes about the cabbage, it's time for bed.  And hopefully by "bed" I mean "sleep", because I just discovered that our new pup snacked on J's power cord for his laptop, and now it's dead, and I can't watch The Big Bang Theory!

Perspective

   I recently tried these Ham and Swiss Sliders.  They were the perfect weeknight dish, simple, easy and yet with a touch of something different. 

Here's what you'll need:

24 slices Honey Ham

16 slices Swiss Cheese

16 White Dinner Style Rolls, cut in half

1 1/2 Tbsp Dijon Mustard

1/4 C  Mayonnaise

8 Tbsp butter, melted

1/2 tsp Worcestershire Sauce

1 Tbsp poppy seeds

1/4 C brown sugar

1 tsp onion powder

     Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.  On a rimmed baking sheet place the bottom half of your dinner rolls.  Top with ham and cheese slices.  Spread about 1 tsp of mayo on top half of bread before placing on top of ham and cheese slices.  Make sure that your sliders are snuggly placed, so that they can soak up all the juice.  In a small bowl combine the mustard, melted butter, onion powder, Worcestershire sauce, poppy seeds, and brown sugar. Mix until combined and evenly pour over the assembled rolls.  Bake, covered with foil for 10 minutes, remove foil and bake for an additional 5-10 minutes, or until tops are browned and cheese is melty.  The original poster said that if you're using these for a party or want to cook them later, you can cover them with foil after you've poured the mixture over the rolls and refrigerate them until you're ready to cook them.  

Enjoy :-)

   

      I'm going to keep this short and sweet, mainly because I have a child with tummy troubles who refuses to wear a diaper or a pull-up; so I'm afraid to have her out of my line of sight.  Which is also what I wanted to blog about, so here we go.  Last night was one of those nights where I was so stressed out about everything and angry with everything and nothing was going right, that I felt like I was about to snap.  Monkey was having bowel issues, and the dog apparently ate too much grass, and it was just turning into a big ole mess, literally.  That's when I decided to take Monkey to the store so that I could get some fresh air (and possibly a bottle of wine), and she needed some medicine.  As I was huffing and puffing my way through the store with Monkey in tow, I happen to see something that made all my complaints vanish.  When Monkey dragged me down the toy aisle, I saw a little girl, not more than seven, standing there with her daddy.  She was just as happy as could be, chattering away about her day.  I noticed that this child had lost all of her hair and that her little face looked like she had lost a lot of weight really fast.  I had seen pictures of children with cancer, but never one in person before, and it was all I could do not to cry.  I forced myself to smile at her before turning to Monkey to pick her up and hug her as tight as I could.  Sometimes I get so focused in on my stress and my aggravations that I forget what's important, and every now and then it's good to have your life put into perspective.