Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Dreamweaver, Lay Off Me!

   I'm starting school in less than two weeks, and I'm trying really hard not to think about it.  When I do, I find myself feeling like I did when I was five and about to start Kindergarden.  The night before class started, I remember laying awake all night with the biggest knot in my stomach, telling myself I needed to get some sleep while knowing that I wouldn't be able to.  That feeling of apprehension and excitement would revisit me every night before every "first day" from that point on.  Apparently it's not going to give up yet.  Last night I had a dream that I was at MGCCC for my first day of class, and I was happy to be there, but I wasn't alone.  For some reason, in my dream Monkey was with me, and before I could go to my class I had to take her to the potty and see her to her classroom.  Then I'd have to rush to my class on the opposite side of campus.  Then when that class let out, I had to rush back to Monkey's classroom, bring her to the potty again, before transferring her to a new class.  Then I'd jet off to my next class.  When that one was over, the whole process would begin again.  Needless to say, in my dream I was overwhelmed.  I felt like I wasn't doing either assignment properly because I was late for every class, and I was short-tempered with Monkey for not going quickly enough.  Thank goodness it was just a dream.

    I know this dream stemmed from a few apprehensions I've been having about juggling mommy-hood with school.  Add to that the fact that I'll be parenting alone this semester and you've got potential for disaster.  But the part that lured me in in the first place is the fact that therein also lies the potential for greatness.  I want this to be a struggle; I want this to be something I fight for.  I want my daughter to grow up knowing that just because it's hard doesn't mean you give up.  It means you just have to try harder.  I like a challenge; I always have.  That probably explains most of my life choices, and you know?  I wouldn't take any of those back for the world!

   That being said, there's still a week left before Monkey heads back to daycare, and we've been as crafty as ever.  Today I made paint, and she loved it!  It was thicker than most finger paints, so she loved squishing the goo between her fingers just as much as the actual painting part of it.

   In honor of Monkey's future dancing attempts, we even made this little ballerina's outfit:

  You can tell my child was born and raised near New Orleans.  When I asked what colors she wanted, she promptly replied, "Purple shirt, and green tutu, like Mardi Gras."

  Well, I need to take advantage of Monkey's quiet time and go get dinner started.  Hopefully my dreamweaver will paint me a prettier image tonight as I sleep, or at least one that doesn't give me a panic attack.


  1. It will be a big challenge for both of you, but nothing you two can't handle! Enjoy your last couple weeks of freedom, and REST UP! :)

  2. You are a wonderful mother!!! This one made me cry a little *hugs*