Stealing Kids and Maiming Chicken

Random conversation between J and myself while riding around in the car:

Me: (browsing Pinterest and finding this:

OMG!  We need a boy so I can dress him up like David Bowie!

J: That is pretty cool. Let's have a boy.

Me:  I don't really want another baby right now; I'll just steal one for Halloween

J: Wait, what?

Me: Yeah, I'll steal one and dress him up like David Bowie.  It's perfect.

J:  Do you realize how crazy you sound right now?

Me: Okay, maybe "steal" was too strong a word. I'll borrow one for Halloween and dress him up as David Bowie. Then I'll give him back with candy.

J: You're crazy.

Me:  No: I'm smart.

J: What if someone "borrowed" Monkey?

Me: That's different. I know I'm not crazy.

J: But you are.

Me: Okay, fine we'll have our own boy.

J: Thank you.

Me: It just seems like a lot of work for one Halloween costume. Borrowing a kid would be so much easier.

We lapsed into comfortable silence for a while before it dawned on me...

Me: Orphans!!!  I totally forgot about orphans!  We could adopt a boy and dress him up like David Bowie

J: Yeah, then we can bring him back and be all 'He looks like David Bowie, and it's kinda freaking us out...a lot!'

Me: Brilliant!  This is why I married you.


   Later I realized that I could simply dress Monkey up as David Bowie for Halloween, but I already have matching Hollie Golightly costumes planned for us.  But!  I do have a little brother I could kidnap for Halloween.  Then I get my kidnapping thing out, and I get a cute family photo.  Except for the fact that my "little" brother is fifteen, and that would probably come across as more creepy than cute.  Ugh!  I give up.  

   I guess while I'm freaking y'all out, I can go ahead and share my step-by-step instructions of how to maim your own dead chicken.  It was for a good cause, though.  It made a scrumptious meal :-)

I found a recipe on Foodgawker a while back for Grilled Lemon and Yogurt Chicken.  It was one of the first recipes I "pinned", but I hadn't tried it until Monday.  I guess the idea of spatchcocking a chicken was a bit much.  Or, at least, it would have been if I had read far enough into the recipe to know that I had to do that.  And then I had to google what "spatchcocking" even meant to discover that I'd have to remove the back bone of a chicken.  Feeling a bit brave after watching Amy Adams de-bone a duck on Julie and Julia, I thought this would be a cinch.  And it was (which was the scariest part).  You just have to avoid thinking about the fact that you're defiling a poor dead bird.  But, then again, it's no worse that what my step-daddy does with a chicken and a beer can.  

O.o

Well, anyway on to the recipe!

You'll need:

1 whole medium chicken
1/2 cup plain yogurt
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tsp. mixed herbs (I used Italian seasoning)
1 TBS paprika 
1 TBS ground coriander seeds
grated rind and juice of one lemon
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp pepper

First, spatchcock your chicken.  To do this, take the gizzards and such out of the chest cavity, set aside or discard (I usually cook those extra pieces for the dogs).  Rinse your chicken, then pat dry with a paper towel.  Set your chicken on a cutting board with the neck and wings facing you, like so:

Begin cutting just to the right of the neck making sure to cut through the bone, not just the skin and meat.  Cut from the neck all the way to the tail, following along on side of the back bone.

Then make the same cut on the left side of the back bone.

Once the back bone has been removed, flip the bird over to be sure that it lies flat.

Next, set your maimed spatchcocked chicken in a roasting pan, breast side up.  In a small bowl mix all the remaining ingredients, and rub all over you chicken.  

Cover the roasting pan with aluminum foil, and bake on 350 for 40 minutes.  Meanwhile light your bar-b-que pit, once the chicken has baked, transfer it to the bar-b-que pit for 30 minutes or until done.  

Voila!

I served mine with garlic bread, a side salad, and my step-daddy's grilled asparagus. Take a bunch of asparagus, roll them in about a TBS of olive oil and your favorite seasoning (I use Tony's, garlic powder, and onion powder), and then grill for about 15 minutes or until tender.  It was very good meal, and the extra chicken was used for chicken salad, which is a recipe I'll share later, but right now I need to go feed my little slugger before her first t-ball game.  :-)